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Supervision of your teen's senior prom
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March 19, 2009 | 12:13 PM
Last week, I had some comments on the expense of the modern high school prom. Today, we need to take a look at another, more serious problem.
The drinking issue in recent times is out of control. A growing number of pre-prom parties serve alcohol. Many parents will take the position that alcohol is not permitted at their gatherings. So, prom goers will drink before they get to the party or drink in their cars.
Then, there are those parents who see nothing wrong with a beer or two, or a cocktail before the prom. They take the position that the prom is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, that it's supervised and that the participants are not driving, but being driven. Their postscript is that they're going to do it anyway, so let's keep them safe.
There are a number of problems with that kind of thinking. First, it's reckless and irresponsible. Secondly, if the young people in question are under 21, it's illegal. As parents, we have to ask the question: what kind of message are we giving our seniors by not holding them accountable?
This senior experience has become more stressful for high school administrators because of supervision. For too long, many high schools were lax in enforcing the school's code of conduct at the prom. If any student was found with alcohol, it was confiscated. He/she was allowed to continue to participate in the evening's activities. If a student was found drunk at the prom, the student's parents were called and the student was sent home.
In a former time, these social circumstances were minimal. Unfortunately, today they are escalating to a dangerous level. Schools have hired security personnel to screen limousines as they arrive to make sure there's no alcohol stashed in the vehicle. Students are then screened before entering the prom. During the evening, security personnel discreetly mix and mingle, and check the bathrooms throughout the evening. Normally, students are not allowed to leave the prom and then return. If they leave before the event is finished, they are not welcome back.
More and more school principals are having senior assemblies before the prom, outlining very clearly what is expected and what social behavior will not be tolerated. They are also very clear about the consequences, if someone is found in noncompliance. This outline of expectations and consequences is signed by both senior prom goers and their parents.
The major consequence for noncompliance is not being permitted to walk with your class at graduation. Students who have broken these rules will be given their diploma by mail after graduation. That is a pretty tough consequence. One would think that no senior would risk participation in commencement for the sake of an evening of drinking. However, there are always students who think they are invincible and that they can put one over on the system, especially if their parents cover for them.
A number of high school communities have tried to enforce this consequence. Unfortunately, many have caved in to the pressures of parents and other voices, who thought the consequence was too stiff.
One principal did have the courage to stick to the signed agreement. A senior boy, who was a scholar athlete and very popular, got drunk at the prom. He was not permitted to walk with his class. There was a tremendous outcry when word got out. The principal felt for the student, but also felt compelled to enforce the consequence. She said just because he's a good student and well-liked by many is not justification to excuse him from being accountable for his poor decision-making.
The new challenge for high school administrators is what to say and do about post prom activities. More and more senior classes are sponsoring weekends in the Hamptons. Parents are helping students to rent hotel rooms and beach houses. Adult supervision, at best, is poor or nonexistent.
If there is supervision, the supervisors often turn a blind eye to drinking. Too often, the alcohol consumption, as well as drug use, is out of control. Students will deny hard-core drug use, but do not see a problem with recreational pot smoking or the use of prescription drugs among friends.
In an ideal world, high school seniors should be able to go away for a weekend with minimal supervision, have a great time and make all the right social decisions. Unfortunately, we don't live in an ideal world, but rather a very narcissistic world, where social decision-making is oftentimes impaired. Too many good kids can be victimized by the destructive decisions of others.
How many more teenagers need to die senselessly because of the reckless decision-making of others, before we, as parents, step up and parent?
Reverend Pizzarelli is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.
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