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Growing older and (somewhat) wiser
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| Supposedly with age comes wisdom, but I'm still waiting. |
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August 19, 2009 | 02:14 PM
Tomorrow is my birthday, and as I do each year, I feel sad that for my age, I should be wise. When will that happen? Supposedly with age comes wisdom, but I'm still waiting.
The best I can do is recognize that I have come to certain conclusions about life along the way that take some of the pressure off daily existence. I will be glad to share them with you, especially if you were to comment back to me.
So here goes.
One such is that I try hard to stay out of my children's lives. That doesn't mean I don't want to see them. On the contrary, I adore visiting them and having them come with their children to visit me. I love our shared time together, our family celebrations and activities. And I certainly want to hear what they are up to. I am a willing ear, a soft shoulder and an enthusiastic cheering section. But unless I am invited to do so, I try not to offer my priceless advice. If I feel I just cannot keep quiet, I ask them if I may speak about whatever is concerning me, and if they acquiesce, I tell them my opinion — only once. After that, it's up to them.
Now I think that's what I do. They might have a different take on the subject. But it's certainly what I hope I'm doing because my thoughts are just that: opinions. I am not blessed with the certitude of my mother. She knew she was always right. Sometimes I have strongly held opinions and it turns out I'm absolutely wrong. So on the basis of my greater age and experience, I presume I have something to offer but it's their lives, which are being lived at a different time in history than mine, and even if I am right and they are wrong, they should be allowed to learn. They have full responsibility for their lives, and that is hugely liberating for me.
Another insight is that I am happy. Now think about it. Being happy is not politically correct, but I give myself permission to be happy. When people ask how you are, you answer "fine," or "good" or "terrific." But I never hear people say, "happy." Perhaps if you say that, you would be thought of as imbecilic — as in "only imbeciles walk around with smiles on their faces; the rest of us know what's going on."
Well, I like to think I know what's going on. After all, I'm in the news business. As a matter of fact, I sometimes know what's going on before a lot of other people. I know, for example, that we are in a recession, that times are tough, that it is harder to stay within a budget — or worse — find a job. But I also know that with hard work — and a little luck — we do survive. We also learn a lot when under duress that can be put to good use as life continues. And times do get better, but until then the goal is to just hold on. What is it that Woody Allen says? "Eighty percent of success is just showing up."
I take enormous pleasure from the beauty of the natural world. I always have, a beneficiary of my parents' attitudes, I guess. I love the beach, the deep woods, the sounds birds make, the colors and amazing variety of flowers — all that sappy stuff. I know that's all trite. But a beautiful sunrise makes me incredibly joyful. My bed pillows are one of the first places in my house touched by the rising sun. Even though I have never been an early riser, I usually don't pull down the blinds. Awakened by the light, I like to open one eye and view the sunrise. If it's gorgeous, I open the other eye and feel exhilarated. It's a great way to start the day. If the sky is overcast, I go back to sleep.
Other liberating ideas I embrace include the following: that I am not important — except within the context of family, of course — I love life but when I go, the world will continue on quite well without me; that I love to learn; that I have no plans to retire because I love my job, which requires learning every day; that if I surround myself with other happy people, I feel better at the end of each day.
And most trite but true — that love is the life force.
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